Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) Review:

Just in time for Christmas.

Christmas time is once a year.
Christmas time is once a year.

Director: Nicholas Webster

Runtime: 81 minutes

Cast: John Call, Leonard Hicks, Vincent Beck, et al…

Plot (from IMDb): The Martians kidnap Santa because there is nobody on Mars to give their children presents.

You get some films that are great because they are bad, and you get some films that are just downright bad. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (famous for purportedly being one of the worst films of all time), is neither, it is incredibly terrible.

First off, as mentioned above, this film is something of a curio, infamous for its reputation as one of the worst films of all time. So of course you may end up watching it, expecting to laugh at its awfulness, but it isn’t funny. My advice to any potential viewers is to completely ignore this film – as you will never get those 81 minutes of your life back.

Every robot holds it dear.
Every robot holds it dear.

Everything about Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is terrible, the acting, the camerawork, the directing, the script… you get the idea. This is a film that is so bad; its 81 minutes feel like five hours.

The most fun I had with the film is watching the make up on the “Martians” change in every shot, going from a full-on green-ish colour to blue and then being all but gone in the next scene. This is a film that is so bad; I’d rather watch The Scorpion King – and we all know how that turned out.

Summary:

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is the worst of the worst – it is the worst film I have ever seen.

We remind you that there is a 5% margin of error in the scoring system.

5/100

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